Don’t let money get in the way of happiness in your relationships.
Money may not buy you love, but it can surely ruin it. Many fairytale-like relationships, meant to have happy endings, take a turn towards heartbreak because of the way people deal with finances.
The statistics also back the fact that money can prove to be a deal-breaker in relationships. TD Bank has furnished an interesting report on how the dynamics of money and relationships play out.
The survey by TD Bank indicates that nearly 60% of people who are in committed relationships talk about money and finances with their significant others at least once a week. Similarly, one-third of married couples confessed that they quarrel about money at least once a month.
The more eye-opening stat is that 44% of divorcees reported that they had money-related fights and arguments every month when they were married.
The statistics shared above should be enough to convince all of us that poor money management, or the lack of it, can spoil a relationship. However, we are not here to throw a gloom over you and your partner’s life. In this piece, we are going to point out five bad money habits that can prove to be a deal-breaker between you and your partner.
If you are already sensing some strain in your relationship due to money and financial management, then watch out for these signs.
1. Not talking about finances and not setting shared goals
Gone are the days when being open about money in a relationship was considered a bad thing. In today’s day and age, you cannot play down the importance of money. It is the fuel that powers the engine of our lifestyle. If you have agreed to spend the rest of your life with each other, you should also talk about your monetary visions, hopes, and dreams.
Keep in mind that having different opinions about finances may not bother you in the beginning. However, this disparity can have consequences in the long run. You must have shared short and long-term goals with respect to money. Both of you must be on the same page when it comes to determining the amount of savings you want to have, say, after five years.
While setting those financial goals, you also get to iron out all the differences you may not be aware of until now. Also, promise each other that you will actively discuss the finances at least every month instead of talking or arguing about it when you hit a tight spot.
The lack of regular discussions on finances and not having similar long-term money goals are a recipe for causing tension in your relationship.
2. Hiding money and debt
Relationships are vulnerable to cheating, be it physical, emotional, or financial. Yes, hiding one of your bank accounts from your partner or an outstanding loan also counts as cheating and can feel as hurtful and have similar consequences as infidelity would. Having a bank account, stock investment, or any capital venture and not disclosing it to your partner shows a lack of trust.
You should also keep in mind that you are not going to hide such information from your partner forever, especially when you have decided to live with him or her till death do you part. A person who finds out after years of companionship that you do not consider them worthy of all your trust can be devastated.
One report by CNBC suggests that 31% of people believe that having a secret savings/checking account or a credit card is worse than being unfaithful.
Hiding debt, however, entails more nuanced reasoning. For instance, many people will not talk about their outstanding mortgage or student loans because they are very self-conscious about them. Many also fear that such revelations might cause their partners to fall out of love with them.
It is a genuine concern, but by hiding it from your partner, you are just burying your head in the sand. They will eventually find it out, and at that moment, the debt will haunt you both. The right way forward is to put your partner in confidence about any debt that you have acquired before committing to them. This will prevent the inevitable strain that your relationship will face.
3. Hurrying off to open a joint account
If you are still mulling over the prospect of getting married, then refrain from opening a joint account for now. Keep in mind that having a joint account is not going to put the seal of eternity on your relationship and solve all your money woes.
Instead, it could make things worse if you are still not on the same page on how to spend money within the account.
One way to consider setting up your “married finances” would be to each retain a personal checking account that you spend however you want while having a joint bill-paying account you share completely. Be careful, though, not to insist on a prorated split for the bills. If you earn 60% of the income to your spouse’s 40%, does that mean you are only 60% committed to the relationship? Of course not. Be 100% committed to sharing your bills without requiring a perfect balance.
4. Not earning enough income
While money can’t buy happiness, it can certainly take the pressure off a relationship. It is indispensable for enjoying your life to the fullest and ticking off more things from your bucket list. As your relationship progresses, you might have also children, which brings in more of a need for income.
If you do not think about increasing your income, then financial constraints are bound to happen that will eventually spill over into your relationship as well.
We are not advocating throwing off the work-life balance to make more money. There are many passive ways to add another stream of income to your bank account besides your main hustle. Having such a financial reinforcement will make your relationship recession-proof.
5. Manipulating emotions with finances
Emotional blackmail and gaslighting can appear in the dark underbelly of any relationship where fear and insecurity drive behavior. Sadly, people use these psychological manipulations to get an upper hand on each other in relationships.
Money is a double-edged sword. It can be used to achieve your hopes and dreams, and provide for your family. On the other hand, money can be used to manipulate partners, cause guilt and shame, and introduce stress into relationships.
Without wading into the discussion of how wrong or right this is, these negative aspects of relationships and money need to be addressed: mixing emotions with finances usually ends poorly, and relationships are no exceptions.
Justifying bad financial decisions by using emotional attacks is a temporary and ill-advised resort. A calm, rational, and mutually-shared goals approach to finances is the key to a healthy relationship.
Conclusion
It is unrealistic to believe you will never have a spat with your partner over finances. However, getting rid of bad money habits and decision-making is both possible and recommended. Such actions can prevent any relationship from sustaining irreversible financial blows.
